Mother

Mother
I wanted to describe this word since the day i realized what mother actually is, but i can feel i cannot elaborate and i challenge to every single writer of this world to explain their love towards their mothers in words.
I want to confess few things infact many things, i am the one who have really hurt his mother in every way which i could and most of the times it was intentionally and some of the times it was not intentionally but hurting is hurting either you do it intentionally or un-intentionally, but you know what my mother never reacted for my behaviour except in love.
Last 8 months have been so hard and tough for me and my family and specially for my mother(may ALLAH bless her soul rest in peace). I spent 8 months with my mother in hospital trying to serve her, she was fighting with Hepatitis C and cancer at the same time, this jolted me and jolted me back time and guess what right before the news which i received through my mother tongue i was in Naran hanging out with friends and i was angry with my mother and i was not talking to her, but when i came back she told me about the Hepatitis C and she was crying and this was the moment when i started to curse myself and i will keep cursing myself till the end of my life. I have been very bad son but my mother loved me a lot i am the eldest son and it was my prime duty to help out my parents but i never did it, i always D-Moralized them, but she was helping as always whenever i needed money i used to ask my mother even before she diagnosed Hepatitis C, i used to take daily 100 Rs for the petrol.
But i never gave my mother any respect which should be given at any cost as per the instruction which Islam has given as per the instruction which every religions has given as per following my siblings my younger sibs … aah i wasted my life …. i will be not forgiven in the end
i miss you amaan jaan please forgive me for my behaviour with you i am sorry on that
i cannot stop myself crying for you